Mon Rosbif
by BadQualityFanFiction
Summary: One night, England is drunk a practicing magic in his basement. But he messes up the spell and ends up cursing himself and the other countries! Follow them as they go about their OOC lives until the curse wears off. (Convoluted logic, but follow along and you'll find rich rewards.) (My Immortal/Hetalia parody) Inspired by My Tomatita by The Puzzler of Riddles (Spamano version)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: We are in no way associated with Hetalia or the original My Immortal story. Or any celebrities that may be mentioned.**

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Hi, my name Arthur Kirkland and I have short messy blonde hair (I'm British, in case you couldn't bloody tell), with glowing green eyes that hold the passion of a thousand suns; a lot of people tell me I look like John Lennon. I'm not related to The Doctor, but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm the personification of Great Britain, but my teeth are straight and white; I have really thick eyebrows. I'm also a wizard, and I go to a special school for countries all around the world where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm the country of England (in case you couldn't bloody tell) and I wear mostly green. I love crumpets and scones and I drink tea with all my meals. For example, today I was eating my regular breakfast of chocolate chip scones smothered in jam. (AN: I don't know what I'm saying. I'm not British- in case you couldn't bloody tell) I was walking outside my high school; It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. The Axis Powers stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Bonjour, rosbif!" Shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Francis Bonnefoy!

"What's up, frog face?" I asked snarkily.

"Nothing, eyebrows." He snapped.

But then I heard my imaginary friends call me, and I had to go away.

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**Hopefully you enjoyed. We'll try to stray from the original My Immortal story and make it more unique as we go. Review, please~**

**-Bruce Man and Bat Wayne**


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, I woke up in my basement. I was practicing my magic again. I opened the door at the top of the stairs. I put a kettle on to boil and made some scones. When it was done, I took it to my study and sat in my office chair to get some work done. I glanced up and noticed a picture of my ex-colony America, and shed but a single tear.

My cat, Iggy, woke up then and walked over to me. He flicked his little ears at me and meowed, "I love scones, meow!"  
Did he just talk!? I didn't have time to question it further as my phone rang. Checking the caller ID, I saw that it was Alfred himself.

"What is it!?"

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Frenchie yesterday!" Alfred said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, scowling.

"Do you like him?" He asked mischievously.

"Of course I don't, you bloody twat!" I exclaimed.

"Dude, I was only kidding!" He laughed. I got another call, then. Just my luck, it was that bloody frog! I told Al I had to go, and switched over to Francis.

"Oh Angleterre, it's terrible! I lost it!" He shouted, distressed.

"What, your dignity?"

"No, Seychelles!"

"…How do you lose a woman?"

"You forget to cherish her." He replied, much too seriously.

"You know that's not what I meant!"

"Well…. Will you help me find her?" He asked.

I sighed.


	3. Chapter 3

I went to my room to my room to get dressed. Turning, I addressed Iggy, "I'm going to my rooms." I informed him monotonously.  
"I'll be here, meow." He said, not looking up from his paperwork.  
Did he just talk!? Again!?

In my room, I put on my white button up shirt and blue and red plaid skinny jeans. Then I put on my matching blue and red plaid tie. And an ebony black vest that I buttoned up over my white shirt (_BW: Do you feel those implications? Do ya? e-e_). I painted my nails a shiny Prussian blue (_BM: ;-;)_ and applied black eyeliner to my chartreuse eyes and put five sets of earrings in each ear. Lastly, I put on my blue and red bracelets and my dog collar.

I went outside. France was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a tan suit with a violet button up shirt underneath and a brown, white, and lavender striped scarf. He had pulled his hair back in a ponytail with a mauve ribbon. If I had ovaries, they would have exploded. But I don't, because I'm a guy (In case you couldn't bloody tell).

"Hello, wine breath." I said, still irritated and confused over the matter of my talking cat.

"Salut, Arthur." He said back. We walked into his rose red Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said L'amour) and drove to the place he last saw Seychelles. On the way, I tried listening to my classical music but France insisted on something else and we ended up just turning it off. He drank wine as he drove and I smoked some hardcore drugs. I tried to smoke a cigarette, but the wine bastard threw them out the bloody window. I put my middle finger up at him.

We arrived at the park and got out of the rose red car. We saw Seychelles sitting on a bench, looking a little pissed.

"Seychelles is so fucking hot." I said to Francis, gesturing to her as we approached.

Suddenly, France looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we got closer. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's okay! I don't like her better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" Asked France sensitively, as he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said, shrugging his arm off with a glare. "…But she's still hot. Not like Hungary… I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly flower clips.

We reached Seychelles, and she stood up angrily. "GET OVER HERE." She yelled, running at France. "YOU LEFT ME HERE."

Being the git he was, Francis locked the keys in the car. We ran all the way into… the forest!

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**Note: We don't actually hate Hungary. But for the sake of the story, let's pretend Punk!Emo!Depressed!England does. c:**

**This message brought to you by Bruce Man and Bat Wayne.**


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